Malcolm & Marie & Me & Maybe-You
Disclaimer: Although I found the film exceptionally executed and pulled from it great insight, the film might be triggering and emotionally taxing. I suggest watching a snippet or reading this response before viewing, and/or watching the film in a healthy environment with another person.
Okay. On the surface, Malcolm & Marie might appear to be a depiction of one elongated, detrimental, and highly toxic relationship — and make no mistake, that’s definitely what the characters’ relationship was. But, for “me & maybe-you”, the film is brilliantly layered and multifarious, transcending beyond just a visual of a spiraling unhealthy relationship for the sake of chatter and ratings. There were conspicuous undercurrents of myriad themes woven throughout. To name just a few:
- Validity. The deep need to be seen, to be heard.
- Codependency.
- Forced limitations imposed by critics and advocates alike on artists who are Black.
- Learned female passivity as a mode of survival, a defense mechanism.
- Normalized toxic masculinity — ego, competition, bullying, and gaslighting as a result of control, jealousy, insecurity, and suppressed emotion.
- The weaponizing of silence and secrets.
- Dismissiveness.
- Sabotage of another’s wellbeing and safety in exchange for self-preservation.
- Addiction beyond commonly known forms.
- The power of choice and the ability to recognize issues in others, but not ourselves.
- Abuse.
The aforementioned themes were presented in a romantic context, but they can materialize in any relationship: platonic, familial, or otherwise. I hope we, the viewers, take advantage of the opportunity to discuss these themes and how they make cameos in our lives.
Opposite a symbiotic relationship, we bear witness to two people mutually benefiting from a negative exchange, two people pocketing coins of hurt to later throw in their well of sadness. In a deep pool of water, the only thing Malcolm and Marie manage to do well together is cement themselves in it so that no amount of wishes can lift them out.
While toxicity will be what many of us focus on (because it was excellently conveyed due to the incredible performance by the writers, producers, and actors), I hope we can use our introspective lens to see what it can look like when we do not heal ourselves into worthiness before entering any partnership — when we find refuge in others’ wounds or pain.
Malcolm and Marie exemplify the heartbreak we self-inflict when we choose partners who love the worst of us, but simultaneously use our worst to confine us to an unloveable state of mind and being. We see the detriments of intimate partner abuse, absent visible physical harm. We become ardent advocates for accountability. We experience the exhaustion of perpetuating a cycle and subsequently feel empowered to make healthy decisions on behalf of the characters. We get the opportunity to see issues clearly on screen when in our own lives, the vision is often murky.
About That Ending, Though
Symbolic.
By the close of the film, I changed my enunciation from a fluid, cohesive, and monotone “Malcolm-and-Marie” to “Malcolm… and Marie”, with a longer pause between the names and an emphasis on the and. In the most unhealthy way, he needs her, and she needs him to need her. They are in a relay race of two — desperate to pass the baton that plays damaging tunes while sprinting around a never-ending track.
Undeniably, this story is heavy. It is not a movie that entices giddy feelings to compliment the upcoming holiday. For some, it might be triggering and painful. To that, I do suggest discernment and a wellness maintenance plan.
But, it isn’t lost on me that some positive action steps were inspired. We might have some self-forgiveness to do, some understanding of others’ situations to process, some letting go of intimate or platonic partners, be it a person of the moment or a memory of the past. And therapy, definitely therapy.
Of all the layers of my interpretation of the film, this might’ve been my favorite one — intentional or unintentional, there is a subtle call to action.
Three More Things I Loved, but Couldn’t Place Seamlessly in This Written Piece:
- General foreshadowing within the context of the movie, but in particular, the possibility of a review or critique as it applies to race, diversity, and artistry. Smooth.
- The musical score. The relevance, goodness. Re-le-vance!
- Linguistic beauty — I’d like to imagine it was deliberate that the characters struggled immensely with communication, but the script itself was written with potent verbal clarity.
- Kidding, fourth and last thing:
[Spoiler]
The near-ending. The final, long-awaited “thank you” and the swift, calm response and end of the dialogue, “you’re welcome”. Whew.
Indulge me in my deep-end thinking: I wonder if the movie, figuratively, would’ve been about a minute and 45 seconds rather than an hour 45 minutes had “thank you” been Malcolm’s initial response after badgering Marie about the root of her dismay.
What I mean is, would there have been no argument, or would their dysfunction have found another way to present itself so they could unwrap pent-up frustrations? Would we have witnessed a broken relationship in the stages of healthy repair, or would we still have ended up exactly where the troubles began, anguishedly repeating Marie, Marie, Marie… & Malcolm.
